
Ellie Washington lost her husband in a tragedy five years ago at Christmas. She wouldnât have made it through her grief if not for her husbandâs brother, Nick, who helped her pick up the pieces of her shattered life. And with every year, her feelings for Nick have grown. Now she realizes she might be in love with him, but thatâs not fair, because Nick deserves a life that isnât about his brotherâs widow and son.
Sharing his life with Ellie and her son has been the balm that soothed Nickâs soul after losing his brother. Now that friendship has turned into something deeper. Nick doesnât want to upset the status quo, but someone has to make the first move, and itâs time they figure out if their feelings are real. Nick believes in what they have. He also believes in Christmas miracles, and he thinks theyâre both long overdue for one.
âDo you want me to bring the Christmas decorations down from the attic?â
Ellie Washington tensed. She hated this time of year. And even though it would be five years this holiday season, she still missed her husband, John.
She turned to Johnâs older brother, Nick, and forced a smile. âI guess. Sure.â
Nick leaned against the kitchen counter. In many ways he resembled John. Tall, lean, dark good looks. But John had been her sweet, button-down shirt and khaki pants nerdâa financial planner by trade whoâd worn the same look at home.
Nick was a grease monkey, an auto mechanic who owned a shop a few miles from his house. He wore jeans and T-shirts that were often smudged and dirty. His black hair was always a bit too long, and his eyes were a sea blue, whereas John had had green eyes.
She missed Johnâs eyes, that way they used to crinkle at the corners when he laughed.
Still stuck in the past, Ellie. Five years later, youâre still thinking about John.
Time to move on.
She knew it, and yet she still feltâŠstuck. As if she couldnât quite find that joy that used to be hers.
Especially at the holidays, which was always tough.
But this year was going to be different.
âHey, Ellie. You listening?â
She blinked, lost in the memories. âSorry. What?â
âI said I thought maybe weâd take Henry and get a tree this weekend.â
Her stomach knotted. John had died at Christmastime five years ago. Henry had been growing in her belly and theyâd stood in front of the tree, John rubbing her belly bump and the two of them dreaming about the following year, when there would be a new baby in their house.
And then her husband had died and her life had gone to hell. It had taken her a long time to get over that, to be able to function again as a living, breathing human.
She thought she was doing pretty damn well at the functioning part. The living part? Maybe not so much.
Nick came over and pulled her against him. âYouâre thinking about John.â
He always seemed to know her so well, knew her moods and even her reflective moments. That came from spending so much time together over the past five years.
She looked up at him. âYes.â
He rubbed her back. âWe can put off the tree and the decorations if you want.â
She pulled away. âNope. We canât. Henry loves Christmas. You love Christmas, probably even more than Henry does. Iâll get into it once all the decorations are up just like I always do.â
He tipped her chin back with his fingers. âLike you always do?â
She let her lips lift, just a little. âOkay, buddy. Maybe Iâm not all that jolly this time of year, but Iâm working on it.
And if she wasnât all gung ho about Christmas, okay, so maybe she was still a work in progress there. Her husband had died in a fire on Christmas Eve when sheâd been at work. John, exhausted and overworked, had fallen asleep. Faulty wiring had sparked a fire in their old house and heâd died from smoke inhalation.
âSoâŠwhat do you think this year?â Nick asked. âA noble fir?â
She shook herself out of the bad memories. Bad memories were for the past, and she refused to live in the past anymore. âThat sounds great.â
Nick picked up his phone. âWe could go today. Thereâs still plenty of time before it gets dark.â
âOr we could wait until tomorrow.â
Nick cracked a smile. âYeah, because why do something today we could do tomorrow instead? Especially something you donât really want to do, right?â
He gave her that look that told her he knew her all too well. And of course he did.
âMaybe we could wait a few days?â She cast him a hopeful look.
He responded with his signature smile. âSure.â
She wouldnât let him see the relief that swept through her. Instead, she offered up a smile. âThanks, Nick.â
âHey, no big deal.â
âIt is a big deal. You have no idea how much everything youâve done for me, and for Henry, has meant to me.â
âWhoa. Where did that come from? And no thanks is necessary, Ellie. Youâre family.â
Family. Yeah, thatâs what they were to each other. But they were also so much more. At least now. Back then when John died, theyâd been each otherâs saviors.
Sheâd moved into his house five years ago. Sheâd had nowhere else to go. She didnât have family. When sheâd married John, his family had become her family. And after the fire, it had been Nick whoâd taken her in and become her lifeline.
She hadnât meant to stay at Nickâs house this long. But sheâd been five months pregnant with Henry when John had died, and finding a new place to live had been impossible at that time. Then sheâd given birth and Henry had been an infant and Nick had told her he had three bedrooms and there was no hurry.
His place was perfect, a one-story brick house near the hospital in St. Louis where she worked as a labor and delivery nurse. Sheâd settled in with Henry and had felt safe and comfortable.
Then safe and comfortable had become routine for all of them.
Now Henry was four and he loved his uncle Nick. He had his own room and Nick had wired model airplanes to soar on the ceiling. Theyâd painted the room a bright blue, and he had a four-drawer dresser and oversized wooden box that Nick had made for all of Henryâs toys, plus a nice twin bed next to the window that looked out over the huge backyard.
Her room was nice, too. It was spacious with a queen bed and a beautiful quilt plus a lovely sitting area where she could read. It had a connecting bathroom that she shared with Henry, which was perfect in case Henry wasnât feeling well or she needed to check on him. It also gave her privacy and a separation from Nick, which Nick thought was important.
In the beginning she hadnât been thinking much of anything other than basic survival. But after a while sheâd seen its merits. Plus the room had a walk-in closet, which worked perfect for her. Not that she had a lot of clothes. She had her scrubs, her jeans, and basic tops. It wasnât like she went out on dates or anything.
Ugh. Dates. Just the thought of it, of going out with anyone who wasnât NickâŠ
Not that she was going to go out on a date with Nick. Because heâd never asked her. Not that she hadnât thought about it once or twice or a hundred times in the past year or two.
The change had been subtle. First, heâd been her brother-in-law and nothing more. And then, there were these chemical signals, like running into him in the hall while he wasnât wearing a shirt, and she found her gaze lingering. At the time, sheâd thought she should probably look away. Only she hadnât looked away.
It was at that point sheâd realized she needed to start living again. Sheâd noticed Nick as a man. A hot, living, breathing man. It was time.
âLetâs go out tonight.â
She blinked, feeling like sheâd been caught fantasizing about Nick. Had she been staring at him? She wasnât sure. She looked over at him. âWhat?â
âHenry mentioned pizza before I dropped him off at Oscarâs for his playdate. What do you think?â
âAbout?â
Nick cocked his head to the side and smirked. âPizza, Ellie.â
Shake it off, Ellie.
She cocked her head to the side and gave Nick the once-over. Despite the hotness factor, of which he had an ample amount, the dude was looking a little shaggy.
âYou need a haircut.â
He dragged his fingers through the unruly thickness of his dark hair. âNo, I donât.â
âYes, you do. If it gets any longer, Iâll be able to put it up with one of my ponytail holders.â
âBullshit. Itâs not that long.â
âIt is, too. At least a trim.â
âWe have to go pick up Henry.â
She lifted her phone out of her pocket to check the time. âNot for another half hour, which gives me plenty of time to trim your hair.â
âI hate haircuts.â
âI know. But you can let me trim it, then weâll go get pizza. Now sit.â
He sighed. âIs this a torture/reward kind of thing?â
She shrugged. âIf you want to look at it like that, fine. But youâre getting a haircut, and then weâll get pizza.â
âFine. But not too short.â
She smiled as she went to one of the drawers in the kitchen to pull out her hair-cutting scissors. âOf course not. I wouldnât want to ruin your rock star good looks.â
Heâd taken a seat at the kitchen table, so he tilted his head back until she could see the twinkle in his eyes. âSoâŠyou think I look like a rock star, huh?â
She grabbed a kitchen towel and draped it over his shoulders. âYes. Shaggy and unkempt.â
She dragged her fingers through the thick softness of his hair, and for a moment she wanted to linger. The thought of it gave her pause.
Sheâd cut Nickâs hair countless times and not once had she ever thought about how it felt in her hands. The softness of it, or how her fingers tingled as she sifted the strands through them.
Softness? Tingles?
She paused. What was that all about?
âDonât cut too much. Seriously. I hate short haircuts.â
Her lips curved. âYou know, for a guy who never complains about anything, you sure are picky about your hair.â
âMy hair is magic, Ellie.â
She rolled her eyes. âRight. And I have unicorn eyelashes.â
He tilted his head back and looked at her face. âI knew there was something special about those long lashes of yours. Bet your hair is made from pixie dust, too, isnât it?â
He picked up a strand of her hair and sifted it through his fingers, and maybe he lingered just a little longer than was usual when he teased her.
She felt that zing of attraction.
This flirting was killing her. Or was she reading something into it that wasnât there?
Yeah, she definitely had to shake it off.
âAnd here I thought maybe it was your hair that was made of pixie dust, the way you fuss over it.â
He laughed and the deep, gravelly sound of it shot right through all the feminine parts of her that had lain dormant for the past five years.
âNo way. My hair is made from ancient Thor and Hulk follicles.â
She paused and stepped around to stare at him. âYeah? And where do you find those?â
âeBay.â
She snorted out a laugh, then went back to focusing on the task at hand.
âI like you better with your hair a little longer,â she said.
He tilted his head back and gave her that signature smile of his, the one where one side of his mouth lifted. âAha. See? You do think I look like a rock star.â
Now it was her turn to laugh. âI didnât say that.â
âYou didnât have to.â
She shook her head and finished the trim, then grabbed the comb, though it wouldnât do any good. Nickâs hair just fell naturally into place whichever way it wanted to. And typically whatever way it wanted to fall was still pretty darned hot.
âDone.â
He got up and shook his head. âThanks. And youâre right. It does feel better having a little of that length cut away.â
âPlus you look much better.â She swept some of the hair away from his face, her body once again tingling in response to touching him.
What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On. With. You. Ellie?
She had no idea, but she quickly snatched her hand away. âYup. Looks fine.â
âGood. Iâm gonna go shower and wash away the motor oil smell from work today. Then weâll head out.â
She wouldnât tell him she liked that motor oil smell on him. Heâd think it was weird. Or kinky. Or something.
Oh, my God what is wrong with you? Now youâre turned on by his motor oil scent?
She was most definitely not turned on. His scent was just familiar to her, which made Nick comfortable to her.
Not hot or sexy or anything.
Stop thinking about Nick like that.
When he left, she exhaled, exhausted by her bodyâs responses and her utterly bizarre thoughts. She grabbed the broom to sweep up the hair on the floor. After she finished, she went into her bathroom to check herself in the mirror.
Her face was flushed, and since it was early December, it wasnât because of the heat. She washed her face, then brushed her hair. On impulse, she applied makeup and lip gloss, realizing as soon as sheâd done it that it was ridiculous because she never thought about those things when she was hanging out with her son and with Nick.
So why are you doing it now?
She had no answer for that, but since sheâd already done it, there was no undoing it.
It was just pizza night with Nick and Henry and nothing more. As for her reactions to Nick, well, she had no answers for what had happened.
Maybe it was time to start thinking about herself as a woman again. And maybe her body was pushing her in that direction.
But not with Nick. Nick was Johnâs brother. And her friend. Her lifesaver.
And somethingâanythingâwith Nick could never happen.














